I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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