wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
