I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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