I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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