I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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