Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
false alarm, still single
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
