I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
