Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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