the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
