i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
