youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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