she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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