What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
