ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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