JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I currently don't understand fingers.
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