my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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