I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Randomize
