have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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