you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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