The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
