I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
