But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
