I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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