Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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