Dude my mom stole all your condoms
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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