How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
