i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
