Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
