I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
