i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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