I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Who died my cat blue again?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
