We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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