he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
