She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize