Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
