i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
