I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
