Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
