Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
soo... how was my night?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
