i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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