Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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