No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
