He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
