Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
