I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
