NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
