I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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