I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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