conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
