I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
