I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize