Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
