Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
