His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize