can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
