So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
