somebody snuck up and got me drunk
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
