So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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