I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
