My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
