is your mom at the bar?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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