Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
