I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize