Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Success! We fucked roommates!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
