Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
