I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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