just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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