He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
