Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
