I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
