how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
