the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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