STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
